Two steps forward, one step back
So yesterday, Atsede said a big "goodbye" to the window guy, who'd she'd never seen before in her life...then followed it up with "I LOVE YOU." Not sure she knows what it means; we thought she did, but now, not so much.
We've been having some steps backward in the bonding process. Both kids have bonded very well to Paul. We've theorized it's because they both know their birth father died; whereas, their birthmom is still out there somewhere.
In my head, I know they've only been home for 6 weeks. In my heart, I love them like I do my other 4 children. All 6 of my children smile at me from their photos on the wall by my desk. Yet, at least 1 of those children, still doesn't view me as mom. I'm a caretaker. She doesn't come to me for comfort, only when she wants something. Kebrom comes when he wants to be held, usually when he's sleepy. We feel like we're making good progress there.
Definately need more patience & encouragement. So grateful for Paul, who encourages me, and my mom who calls to check on my near daily & hear the latest stories...and those other adoptive moms who have gone on before & so willingly give of their advice.
We've been having some steps backward in the bonding process. Both kids have bonded very well to Paul. We've theorized it's because they both know their birth father died; whereas, their birthmom is still out there somewhere.
In my head, I know they've only been home for 6 weeks. In my heart, I love them like I do my other 4 children. All 6 of my children smile at me from their photos on the wall by my desk. Yet, at least 1 of those children, still doesn't view me as mom. I'm a caretaker. She doesn't come to me for comfort, only when she wants something. Kebrom comes when he wants to be held, usually when he's sleepy. We feel like we're making good progress there.
Definately need more patience & encouragement. So grateful for Paul, who encourages me, and my mom who calls to check on my near daily & hear the latest stories...and those other adoptive moms who have gone on before & so willingly give of their advice.
6 weeks. Huh. Seems way longer than that. I don't think you're doing too bad for 6 weeks. :) The affection for strangers thing takes a little time. Isaac was 22 mos old when we picked him up, but we were at least his fourth set of primary caregivers. With that in mind, here's a story:
ReplyDeleteWe had just had out 3 mo post-placement SW visit, and we were like "He's doing so great. He doesn't show inappropriate affection for strangers that we've noticed", and then a week or so later we were in the bookstore, and he goes and plops himself on some random guy's lap, and 10 minutes later asked another male stranger to pick him up. (Guess we lied to our social worker! Oops!)
It was generally with men, tho, and I wondered if he'd never really known a "father." I don't know about the first year of his life, but all the nannies I saw in ET were ladies. And once I thought about it, he called virtually every male in ET "Ababa" (Daddy).
But... 6 mos later, he's doing great (for real this time)! He calls John "Ababa", but only John. He hasn't sat in any strangers' laps lately, and he has more stranger anxiety than before (for example in the church nursery). Still a very friendly and social guy, but is more choosy with affection. (But we get lots of hugs and kisses!)
This is a really long comment. But, to sum it up... Particularly for only 6 weeks, I think you're doing great! :)